An Empires Playthrough Turned into a Story
by Insertmanyfandomshere
Summary: I played DW8 Empires for the first time and thought to turn the experience into story form, excluding the battle parts. Something to throw out there.


**So this is how my first game of Empires went. I used Xun Yu for the first time because, well, he IS on the cover and he was a choice for the Yellow Turban rebellion scenario. It would be a sin to NOT use him.**

* * *

 **184 AD  
**

 **"Why am I here? I never even served He Jin." points out Xun Yu, but a virtual finger appears to repeatedly prod him and pushes him into the palace where the court of He Jin is held.**

 **"Ow! Stop it! Ow! Fine, I'll play along for now..."**

 **He stands there in the court listening to the hearing going on. Fast forward to when it's finished and Xun Yu is given the virtual control panel to work with.**

 **"I could just talk to Cao Cao..." He presses "interact" and he boosts his friendship with Cao Cao. After that, he then says to himself,"Let's see who I can invite to the kingdom..." He presses on the "invite" option and looks over the list given to him.**

 **"Why is Sima Yi on here? If I do the math here... He's about... five...? Oh well, he should be fairly cheap to invite." He ties to invite Sima Yi, but the screen shows a message on how there isn't enough money to do that.**

 **"I can't afford to invite a five year-old. How disappointing."**

 **A faint familiar voice can be heard in the background,"Damn right you can't afford me."**

 **"Who else is out there...? Hm, Guo Jia is on here and he should be around... fourteen. Let's see if I can invite him."**

 **Same message pops up.**

 **"I can't even afford a fourteen year-old. What kind of operation is He Jin running here that he lacks the correct funds to hire good help?"**

 **Cao Cao is across from him and he says out loud to Xun Yu for all to hear,"Hey, stop trying to hire children, you monster. What are you trying to do, run a child soldier operation?"**

 **"Fine, fine. I should try someone a little less standard..." Xun Yu looks through that giant list of generic officers with some bits of unique scattered aorund in there and just taps on a random name. It turns out to be Cai Wenji's and Cao Cao remarks loudly for all to hear,"That's a six year-old you just invited! Predator alert-"**

 **"Here's a banquet to quiet you down."**

 **"Ooh, banquet."**

Friendship increased

 **"Oh well, I suppose I can hold off on finding new officers for now."**

 **He is suddenly teleported to the inside of a building where Cao Cao and Diao Chan stood on either side of a table.**

Diao Chan: I hope you will enjoy this dance that I have prepared especially for this occasion.

 **Xun Yu turns to Cao Cao,"I never asked for a stripper, sir."**

 **"..." Cao Cao tells him awkwardly,"...She's not a stripper... I was hoping to have her meet you so that we have a mutual friend..."**

 **"Oh. Well. This is awkward."**

 **The three stand in awkward silence and Xun Yu asks,"May I leave?"**

 **"But the dance."**

 **"Very well, I will sit through the dance if it will make you happy."**

Through Cao Cao, your friendship with Diao Chan has increased.

 **Xun Yu has the control panel in front of him and he looks at the 'Alienate' option. He thinks to himself,"Maybe I can have an officer that's giving our kingdom trouble be dismissed out of false rumors... Wait, what am I thinking? I can't do that." He looks up,"Don't make me do this. I'd be ruining someone's career."**

 **A giant finger roughly pokes him in the head, prompting a pained groan from him. "Fine, I will just do it to some poor generic." The finger comes back to hit him again.**

 **"Ow! Fine, Zhang Fei from... the Yuan Shao kingdom...? There."**

Yuan Shao banished Zhang Fei!

* * *

 **185 AD**

 **"Huff... I wonder if I can invite You here..." Xun Yu scrolls through a giant list of generics to finally stop on "Xun You". He presses the name to invite him.**

Xun You: I'm sorry, but I can't accept this.

 **"Well, screw y-I mean-Very well, if that's what you wish... Is my approach making me come off as too needy...?"**

He Jin: All units, advance!

 **"Wait, already-"**

 **Xun Yu is instantly on a battlefield and he sighs. He whistles for a horse and he latches on to ride through the battlefield, smashing into peons and generics until he stops in a base with a cluster of generic officers that he easily defeats. The battle is won just like that with Xun Yu saying in a very monotonous voice,"Yay..."**

 **Xun Yu is back in the court with the control panel when a message pops up:**

He Jin wishes to promote you to Prefect. Will you accept?

 **"...Am I really staying here...? Huff... I'll see where this takes me..."**

 **He accepts and another message pops up:**

Cao Cao wishes to be sworn siblings. Do you accept?

 **"...Not right now." He refuses, prompting Cao Cao to slowly creep up in the corner with teary eyes. "I wonder how Xiahou Dun's doing." He interacts with him, while Cao Cao is still in that corner of the screen looking all sad.**

Cao Cao wishes to be sworn siblings. Do you accept?

 **Xun Yu sighs and turns to the corner with the teary-eyed Cao Cao with a peevish look. "Fine." He presses accept.**

* * *

 **The sworn sibling cutscene happens and at the end, Xun Yu comments on the broken pot to Cao Cao,"That could have been used in something more productive."**

 **"And you don't consider this productive?"**

 **"No. No, I don't."**

 **"Gee, you wonder why you don't have many friends."**

 **"I don't."**

 **"The no friends part or the part that you know you have no friends?"**

 **"..." Xun Yu just looks at him with these silently pissed eyes and the cutscene ends.**

* * *

 **186 AD**

 **It was a year full of boring battles and empire expanding. Really, nothing interesting happened. Here's something.**

 **When Xun Yu conducts a raid, he says this line that involves,"I'm sorry for attacking you so abruptly." He had Cao Cao with him, who comments,"Who the hell apologizes when they're raiding? It's like if I just ran you over with a carriage and I said sorry to your crumpled body and threw money at you."**

 **"It's courteous."**

 **"If you were truly courteous, maybe you wouldn't raid and just invade altogether."**

 **"..."**

 **"Nowhere in all of the war manuals has 'apologize to the person being raided'. Come on, get it together. Who the hell says sorry in war?"**

 **"I am not taking you with me for anything the next few months."**

 **"I'm right though!"**

 **After the raid and a few months later, He Jin promotes Xun Yu again. Because promotions are given out like candy in the Empires universe.**

 **"I only did one raid and one invasion... Huff... I wonder if it isn't too late to leave..."**

 **Cao Cao whispers to him,"He Jin's a weak little thing, I suggest you rebel and take his ruler spot."**

 **"Why don't you do it?"**

 **"Well, I'm not being controlled here. You are."**

 **"No, that is most unvirtuousness."**

 **"Who are you trying to be, Liu Bei?"**

 **"He Jin is a poor leader as of this moment, but to betray his trust is most unforgivable of someone of my position."**

 **"..." Cao Cao pouts,"...If Sima Yi were here instead of you, he would have been totally down for the rebellion..."**

 **"Well, I'm not him. And I can't afford to buy him from the free officers list."**

 **"Have you tried to recruit Guo Jia? Because I'm sure he would have been down for a rebellion too."**

 **"I have, but he keeps declining despite me paying his not-so-little fee. Along with my cousin. And Jia Xu. And Zhao Yun. And this person named 'fag'. What kind of name is 'fag' anyway? No family name. Just 'fag'. Their parents must have been meth addicts." *I encountered a guest kingdom with an officer named "fag" and thought I'd tried recruiting him/her out of silliness. Did not work.***

 **"Wow, that's really sad. You really are unappealing despite how pretty you are. Maybe those guys detect how much of boring fest you are."**

 **"I...! Grr...! Being not very social can't be a factor in why people keep declining my invitations!"**

 **"Uh, yes it is."**

* * *

 **187 AD**

Outlaw

Have 3 officers with low friendship with you

 **"Well, I can't be constantly socializing." tells Xun Yu to that sign showing his title. "I have something called work. You can't judge me with just three people that for some reason don't like me."**

He Jin wishes to promote you to Ruler. Will you accept?

 **"What the devil? No! It's been a year since you've promoted me and NOW you want to promote me AGAIN?"**

 **Cao Cao gasps at the message and tells him quickly like some high school girl telling her friend to confess to her crush,"Ohmygodohmygod! Takeittakeit! DOITDOIT!"**

 **"No!"**

 **"I would have in your position!"**

 **"I refuse!" The message goes away, promoting Cao Cao's utter disappointment,"Oh my god. What's wrong with you?"**

 **"I don't want to be a ruler."**

 **"What the hell's wrong with you?"**

 **"It's not right for me to just take that position. I'm content as a marshal."**

 **"What. The. Hell's. Wrong. With. You? Where's your ambition?!"**

 **"I don't have any."**

 **"Dear god, why aren't I being controlled?!" He shakes his fist at above him,"Why did you choose this ambition-less dweeb?!"**

* * *

 **188 AD**

Traitorious Dog

Have 10 officers with low friendship with you

 **"I'm sorry if I don't take time to spend time with you people. I have been very busy with maintaining our empire."**

 **"Booooo." boos Cao Cao. "At least throw a party once in a while. Or talk to someone other than me."**

 **"That is a waste of resources."**

 **"You're a waste of resources."**

 **"...Excuse me." Xun Yu turns to walk away from the court and it is noticeable that his eyes were welling up with tears.**

* * *

 **189 AD**

Mortal Enemy 

Have 20 officers with low friendship with you

 **Cao Cao comments on the title hanging over Xun Yu,"Wow. That's really sad. Am I your only friend around here?"**

 **"I am a busy man! Why can't you people understand that?!"**

 **"No one likes a tryhard, now. I gave wedgies to those people back when I was younger. But hey, +10 attack."**

 **"Arrrgh..." Xun Yu buries his face in his hands and groans.**

 **"Maybe try looking for another friend."**

 **"I don't have time for that...! I need to complete an invasion this week...!" He says muffled by his hands.**

 **"Hey, I can't teach you how to socialize, that's all you."**

 **"Huff... Fine. I guess I can hold that off for a month. I'll try to interact with..." Xun Yu gets the control panel and scrolls through the lsit of officers available and randomly clicks on one. It was Cao Ren.**

 **"There, I socialized."**

 **"...With Ren...?"**

 **"What's wrong with that?"**

 **"Don't get me wrong, Ren's a good guy. It's just that... errrgh... Fine, you can be friends with whomever. I shouldn't be chastising you with your choice in friends."**

Cao Ren wants to be sworn siblings. Will you accept?

 **"Huh?!"**

 **"Well, I guess he really took a liking to you..."**

 **"But I just barely spoke to him!"**

 **"Let him have this. Turning him down would just make him-"**

 **Xun Yu already refused.**

 **"Why'd you just clicked on that so fast?!"**

 **"I don't know! I was scared at how fast that came!"**

 **"Argh, he's going to be devastated..."**

He Jin wants to promote you to Ruler. Will you accept?

 **"Ahhhh!" Xun Yu jumps back at that sudden message,"He wants me to be a ruler again?! As I said before, no!" Xun Yu is about to press no when Cao Cao knocks his hand into pressing yes.**

 **"Why?!"**

 **"Because I can't let you remain a servant!"**

 **"Don't you push your ambitious agenda onto me!"**

 **"I am and I will!"**

 **"Oh, you bastard..."**

* * *

 **Xun Yu is standing in front of the throne, facing the court now and he groans,"I shouldn't be here. It should be Cao Cao. Can I step down and give power to him?" He looks through the options and tries to press the "Step Down" button. It is unavailable to him since you can't pass power to a sworn sibling. Xun Yu looks at the blacked out option with his jaw dropping to the ground and his eyes having their blood vessels being very visible.**

 **"Are. You. Kidding. Me?! I can't pass down power to him just because I slashed a bloody pot in half with him?!"**

 **Cao Cao crosses his arms and pouts,"Wow, you make it that becoming sworn siblings was a horrible idea..."**

 **"It was! If I hadn't, I can throw off this huge responsibility that's been dropped onto me!"**

 **"Hey, if I'm your sworn sibling, passing down power to me would be an example of nepotism."**

 **"Apparently, it's perfectly fine to pass down power to the nearest schmuck, but not okay to pass power to someone that is your friend or relative. Great."**

 **"We need to teach that anyone can be a ruler. Besides, i** **t's Ancient China after the collapse of the Han dynasty, it's an option."**

 **"What's next? Democracy?"**

 **"We barely have a monarchy anymore, so no."**

 **"Where is our monarch?"**

 **"Eh, he's out there... Hangin'... Who cares about him? It's all about you now."**

 **"I don't want it to be about me."**

 **"Oh my god, you are difficult... Look, since you are a ruler, you can let loose now. Throw a party."**

 **"That's frivolous."**

 **"Look, to be an effective ruler, you need to win the hearts of your retainers and vassals. Throw a party."**

 **"Fine, I'll throw one of those grand banquets, but you're organizing it since I don't know how to throw a party."**

 **"Indeed you don't since you seem to not like strippers and you haven't touched that banquet button for five years."**

 **Xun Yu rolls his eyes back and looks for that Grand Banquet button to then press it. The party raises everyone's friendship and the next month has this message popping up:**

Cao Ren wants to be sworn siblings. Will you accept?

 **"...Fine..."**

 **He accepts and he skips the cutscene for it. After that, Cao Cao claps lightly for him,"Good job. Now you're not some pretty loser with one friend."**

 **"I'm no longer talking to you from now on..."**

 **"Hey, it's healthy criticism."**

 **The next month prompts another message.**

Cai Wenji wants to confess to you. Will you accept?

 **"WHAT? I don't remember talking to her a lot earlier... But, I guess things did happen during that banquet..." He blushes slightly.**

 **"Ooh, someone's getting lucky!" whoops Cao Cao. He then stops to think before saying with wide eyes,"Wait, she's eleven around now... Oh my god, Xun Yu, it's a trap!"**

 **"Maybe I should consider it... There isn't a lot of women-Scratch that, she's the only woman around here..."**

 **"Hey! Listen to me!"**

 **Too late, he had already pressed accept.**

* * *

 **Xun Yu is following Cai Wenji into the forest of pink anime flowers and he comments,"It's winter, how are these flowers in full bloom?" Yeah, total mood killer. They stop for Cai Wenji to turn around to tell him whatever she says when she confesses to someone in this cutscene.**

 **"...I want to combine my song with yours..." is part of what she says and Cao Cao pops up in the corner to snicker with rosy cheeks. "I bet 'song' is her way of saying-" Xun Yu closes that corner with a piece of duct tape to continue listening to the confession.**

 **"How lovely of you to say that. One question, what happened at the banquet that brought this on?"**

 **"Oh, I believe you complimented my harp."**

 **"That's it?"**

 **"Hm? Do I need to say that you're adorable?"**

 **"...Uh... A-Adorable...?" His cheeks then blush bright red and he starts fidgeting with his fingers,"...That's very... sweet of you... That's about the nicest thing anyone has said to me all these years..."**

 **"Aw, what happened that you are blushing at being called adorable?"**

 **"...I was called a waste of resources, an ambition-less dweeb, and a pretty loser..." He gets all pathetic looking, but it works on Cai Wenji as she gives him all of her pity as she goes over to comfort him. Cao Cao pops out at the corner again, ripping off the tape,"Damn... He's pulling the sad, pathetic man card...! And it's working!"**

* * *

 **190 AD**

 **Xun Yu is looking like he had been shot by Cupid's arrow as he stands before his court of officials. The court is dismissed with the focuses for the next few months being diplomacy and finances, with absolutely no battle-related ones.**

 **Cao Cao asks him,"Okay, is this your first time? Tell me now."**

 **"No, no. I'm just a little..." His cheeks get a little pink,"She's so... soothing to be with... I think I might consider marrying her..."**

 **"Oh my god, she's eleven!" Xun Yu's hearing fails to pick up that since he's currently being love-struck.**

 **"Who hurt you that you're so emotionally vulnerable?"**

 **"My older brothers and life in general just kicking me in the bollocks."**

 **"..."**

 **"Anyway, I should get back to Cai Wenji..."**

 **"Wait! How about you wait-"**

 **He's already gone.**

 **"Crap."**

* * *

 **Xun Yu is just standing in a room when you see Cai Wenji running up to him.**

 **"In regard to what we've spoke about the other day... I accept your declaration of love."**

 **"Oh, wonderful! Let's go have the ceremony!" She takes his arm to drag him off-camera. You know what happens, the cutscene where the two people sit in a carriage waving to the crowds of generic peasants.**

 **It is back to the main screen again where Xun Yu is noticeably more happier, much to Cao Cao's shock.**

 **"Are you okay?"**

 **"I've never been better! I've never been this happy since I escaped being forced to work for Dong Zhuo!"**

 **"This is creeping me out... Seriously, it's a little weird seeing you all happy-go-lucky..."**

 **"I feel like trying out all of the options here now." Xun Yu presses all of the possible Scheme buttons for every month. He then goes over to the Invite section and tries his luck with recruiting a unique officer.**

 **"I want to try my luck with the toughest person to recruit... According to this list, it's Sima Yi. Fine, let's try him." He presses it and it was a success. Sima Yi appears to bow to him,"You paid my fee, now what?"**

 **"I don't know."**

 **"Ah. Hmph, I think I'll stick around since I needed a job anyway and not because I believe working for anyone during this time is a big waste of effort. Which it is, but I have a fourteen year-old wife to take care of, so I have to stay."**

 **"If I can recruit him, then maybe..." Xun Yu goes through another list to find Guo Jia's name. He presses it to try inviting him, only to get:**

Guo Jia: I'm sorry, but I must decline.

 **"I wonder what you have going for yourself if you're refusing to serve a lord."**

Guo Jia: Oh, I just don't feel like serving anyone since I believe serving anyone during this time is a big waste of effort.

 **"...I feel like you and Sima Yi switched ideals..."**

* * *

 **191 AD**

 **"I have a healthy child at long last. I hope I can rid of the chaos that plagues our land before he grows up."**

 **"Oh, that means you and Cai Wenji..." Cao Cao does the finger going through a hole gesture with his hands.**

 **"Well, did you believe I can just conjure up a child out of thin air?"**

 **"Maybe."**

 **"Ugh, of course I had intercourse. How else could I have a child?"**

 **"How was it?"**

 **"It was fine."**

 **"Just fine?"**

 **"Yes, fine. The child was delivered without any problems."**

 **"No, I meant the sex..."**

 **"That is none of your business, sir. Anyway, I'm in a good mood. I'll throw a grand banquet in celebration for my child's successful birth."**

 **"What does the boy look like?"**

 **"You can wait until he is an officer."**

 **"What did you name him?"**

 **"Yu."**

 **"What? You named him after yourself?"**

 **"No, it's a different Yu."**

 **"What different Yu? We don't use accents here! Am I going to have to confuse your son for you, Yu?! Where was your creativity?! Did Cai Wenji not have a say in naming the child?!"**

 **"It's normal to name your child Yu in my clan."**

 **"How the f*bleep* can you family keep track of how many Yu's are there or remember them?!"**

 **"Well, the characters for each of our Yu's, of course. Each one is different."**

 **"We're not using characters here! We're using letters! So when someone is scrolling down the list and sees 'Xun Yu', they'll think: 'Oh, the handsome guy with the accent, let's recruit him', but they are disappointed when they see this dweeb that looks vaguely like him and not the right Xun Yu they want."**

 **"You'll get to see him, just you wait. Then you will reconsider calling my son a 'dweeb'."**

 **"Oh well. Here's a present for your kid."**

 **Cao Cao hands him a stratagem card.**

 **"Hm? Oh, thank you very much, sir."**

 **"You're welcome."**

* * *

 **192 AD**

 **Nothing really interesting happened. More conquest and politics that I doubt anyone would like to sit through. So to fill this up, here's what happened when I messed with the events part of the gallery.**

 **Xun Yu is sitting in the marriage carriage and he looks around confused,"Wait, why am I here again?" He turns to the side to see Sima Yi and chokes on air while Sima Yi just makes this face like he's been through this before.**

 **"Ahem, this is awkward."**

 **"Indeed. But, this was coming because the asshole who's doing this is trying to be funny."**

 **"So... Now what?"**

 **"What? Do you want to make out or something?"**

 **"Well, this is a very slow ride. Sitting here quietly is going to make things more awkward."**

 **"Heh, fine. I predict you will be sitting in this with Guo Jia next."**

 **"Hmph, maybe..."**

 **The carriage rides end for Xun Yu to find himself stuck sitting in it again. This time, next to Guo Jia just as Sima Yi predicted.**

 **"Oh my god... Is this going to keep going...?"**

 **"At this point, I'm pretty tired... You know how many times this cutscene has played for me and a random character? I can't bring myself to fake being happy. It's just so... huff... I was sitting in this for a while now for ten different people, including myself."**

 **"Oh no..."**

 **That cutscene ends for another one to begin with Xun Yu again, this time around, he is sitting next to himself. He groans,"Come on... What did I do...?"**

 **"I ask myself that as well. I've been put with many others before you. I'm quite tired as you can see."**

 **"Ugh..."**

 **Okay, one more time. The cutscene plays again for Xun Yu to be sitting in the marriage carriage with Cao Cao, who plays along just to mess with him.**

 **"Are you ready to become my wife? Be careful, I'm very hard to please-"**

 **"Oh dear god, I'm going to kill myself if one more comes after this..." Xun Yu glares up, at the player watching this scene unfold. *I was playing this on a Vita.***

* * *

 **193 AD**

 **Xun Yu looks to the right corner and comments how high the numbers are in the materials, troops, and gold.**

 **"Wow, I am doing a lot better than He Jin ever did. Then again, He Jin wasn't exactly... very... Ah, it's not nice to speak ill of the dead."**

 **Cai Wenji approaches him,"Darling, it's time to see off our son for his first day of being an officer for your kingdom!"**

 **"Oh, is it? Well, let's not keep him waiting."**

 **The screen blacks out to then show Xun Yu and Cai Wenji stand in front of this CAW character that looks like a malnourished, bootleg version of Xun Yu. His cheek bones are jutting out of his face in a bad way as it makes him look older than his parents. His eyes are absurdly narrow where they are a few centimeters away from being a racist caricature of Asians. Don't get me started on his lips and hair. Just... No... I will not talk about that.**

 **Xun Yu coughs into his hand and has escape his mouth,"Oh dear god, you're hideous-I mean, you're gorgeous!" He puts on this strained smile as he looks at this thing that is supposed to his kid. "He looked better when he was a baby...!"**

 **Cai Wenji acts like this is perfectly fine and cheerfully says to her abomination-I mean-son-I mean-abominason,"You will do us proud, my dear son. Please stay safe."**

 **"Yes..." Xun Yu tries so hard in trying to seem supportive, fighting off his disgust of how his son turned out. "...You will... Be careful, my boy...! Now set forth on your expedition...!"**

 **194 AD**

 **Xun Yu sits in the throne with this depressed aura hovering over him, face in his hands. Cao Cao tells him,"I saw your kid. Well, that's what you get for marrying an eleven year-old."**

 **"Huff..." Xun Yu looks up,"Oh well, it's not like the character creator system is good anyway... But still... Dear god... Where did the cheekbones come from? Certainly not me."**

 **"Maybe they skipped a generation on your side of the family?"**

 **"No matter. Let's set out."**

 **"For what?"**

 **"We're invading Ou Xing. The little bugger keeps raiding us. Unsuccessfully if I may add, and I'd like for him to be dealt with."**

 **Cao Cao holds up a stratagem card,"Oh yeah, here's a gift."**

 **"...Thank you... Another stratagem..."**

 **"You can never have too many stratagems. This one here is my favorite, so use it well."**

 **"Thank you, sir..."**

* * *

 **195 AD**

 **Xun Yu finds himself sitting on a giant pile of gold and these boxes that is going to used to represent materials. In fact, the entire court is covered in gold or materials. He sighs,"Even after donating, I still get so much here..."**

 **Cao Cao is next to him and holds up another stratagem card,"Here you go-"**

 **"I don't want another stratagem!" snaps Xun Yu. He then sighs and shakes his head,"I'm sorry... I'm just so tired and stressed..."**

 **"Why? You literally have everything."**

 **"That may be so, but I currently have to deal with Sun Jian to the south and the barbarians to the west. There is a Yan Baihu trying to eat away at the territory to the east and-I'm getting grey hairs here!"**

 **"I don't see any."**

 **"Figurative grey hairs."**

 **"Just clam down. You have troops in the six digits area along with your gold and materials. There's nothing to worry about."**

 **"You sure?"**

 **"I'm positive." Cao Cao holds up another stratagem card,"Here's another one to cheer you up."**

 **"...Thanks..." Xun Yu just takes it to be polite.**

* * *

 **196 AD**

 **Cao Cao checks out the map to the side showing the kingdom's territory taking up most of China with this large section of red to the south of it.**

 **"Wow, you're really gobbling up the others here."**

 **"It is thanks to how Sima Yi somehow has the highest success rate in threatening people to surrender. No further bloodshed had to be happen."**

 **A faint, familiar voice tells him off camera,"You're welcome."**

 **"Maybe that devil face next to his name has a factor in that."**

 **"Maybe. He was a good investment. Now... I just need to worry about him rebelling..."**

 **"Ah, he won't since you're doing a heck of a good job. He doesn't do it unless you do s*bleep*."**

 **"How do I know that?"**

 **"You've barely talked to him, huh?"**

 **"I've talked to him! He spends the entire time laughing after he takes a drink!"**

 **"You need to sit through the laughing in order to fully get him. Oh, and come over here. I've got something for you." Cao Cao walks off-camera and Xun Yu follows quickly praying to himself,"Please not another stratagem or sudden sexual advances... Please not another stratagem mostly, but the latter could happen, so that too..."**

* * *

 **Cao Cao holds out this four star formation rod that gives off this golden aura to Xun Yu.**

 **"Here you go." He said so casually like if he were giving him a stratagem card.**

 **Xun Yu's eyes light up as he stares at the weapon in awe.**

 **"I-Is that really for me...?"**

 **"Well, unless Sima Yi uses a magic wand now-What'd you think?"**

 **"I... I'm just stunned at this gift... I'm just..."**

 **"Come on, take it-Oh my god, are you crying?"**

 **"No." At the corners of his eyes, you could make out tears starting to form, but they are held back. He sniffles,"I have allergies." He receives the four-star weapon and gives a heartfelt,"Thank you."**

 **"Ah, it's nothing."**

 **"No, I must find some way to repay for this-"**

 **"You don't repay people for gifts."**

 **"Very well then..." Xun Yu remains standing there and Cao Cao questions it,"Well?"**

 **"I want to hug you, but I'm scared to do so since there's someone watching."**

 **"Maybe let it cut to black?"**

 **"Good idea."**

 **The screen cuts to black, preventing the viewer/player from seeing them hug.**

* * *

 **"I regret that. That felt like a sex scene." remarks Cao Cao disdainfully.**

 **"Oh dear god, that did..."**

 **"Ah, there's already erotic fanart and fanfiction of you and me out there."**

 **"What?"**

 **"Nevermind. You will figure it out on your own soon."**

 **"Anyway, let's proceed to poke Sun Jian into surrendering by raiding all of his regions since Sima Yi's not working on him."**

 **"Hell yeah!"**

 **They set out to proceed to do a couple of raids on the red section of China. After that, Xun Yu sends out Sima Yi again to try to get Sun Jian to surrender and it works this time.**

 **"You're welcome." said Sima Yi with a bratty tone. "I think I deserve a promotion for my hard work in convincing people to do things. I could try to convince Sun Jian to give you a-"**

 **"That is fine. No need for you to make people do sexual favors."**

 **"I can if I wanted to. That's how good I am."**

 **"Right."**

 **Cao Cao claps,"Well done. You've united the land within... twelve years. Good for you. Now what happens next?"**

 **"I don't know. What should happen? May I step down?"**

 **"Maybe turn away from that mindset and turn towards the bright future you have for this country."**

 **"But, I prefer to stay away from the bright lights-"**

 **"Okay, you can step down-But wait! The game's over!"**

 **"Oh, sweet mother of Heaven, yes!"**

* * *

Would you like to save your CAW officer son?

Yes **NO**


End file.
